he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
