Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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