At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
