sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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