I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
