I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Come on in and take your pants off
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