Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
