i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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