we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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