so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
