Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
