You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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