You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
