I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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