Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
