I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
