Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
