I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
