All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
