Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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