I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
