I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
