Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
