it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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