youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize