He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
