wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize