don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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