you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i think my cat just said my name.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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