Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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