how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
