as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
