Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
