she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
