Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
