if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
