My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
