Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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