I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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