Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize