So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
