I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
