well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
