a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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