there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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