i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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