theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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