Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
