Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
