he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
