my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
