of course. lets lasso hookers.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't turn off my feet"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
