I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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