I love black thongs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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