If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
