i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
