How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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