I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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