guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
