so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
