I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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