ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
