i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
why do cheetos always look like penises
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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