I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We have started to decorate penises.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
