just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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