Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize