Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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