the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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