great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
