just tell him i said nine months
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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